Today it seems that “anything goes when it comes to wedding planning.” Sometimes, in an effort to personalize their wedding, a modern bride and groom make mistakes that offend either family members or guests. Usually these things happen innocently, and I encourage everyone to be gentle before passing judgment. That said, many a bride or groom needs assistance when planning for the big event. I hope that we can answer some of your etiquette questions here.

Who pays for all of this?
Budgets are one of the most critical parts of wedding planning and MUST be determined early in the process. It will be key to all decisions related to the event. Traditionally, the bride and her family have paid for all or most of the wedding and reception. Today, the bride and groom might pay for the entire event, or the parents of the groom will sometimes request that they be allowed to help by paying for a specific part of the expenses. I’ve noticed recently that the groom’s family will offer to pay for the alcohol service. ALWAYS discuss this important issue with all involved and once it is resolved share the information with your planner and all the vendors so that it is clear what the budget is, so they can provide you with the appropriate services.

We have blended family. How do we word the invitation?
There are several solutions to this issue. We offer a complete selection of fine wedding stationary available at a very special price for all of our cake clients. Please discuss these options with your consultant at your consultation.

Can we tactfully request cash on our invitations?
Soliciting gifts is always inappropriate. Gifts are given to acknowledge this important moment in your life. If you insist on cash as the preferred gift, you could make your family and the bridal party aware of your preference and let them share the information with others.

This is our second wedding. Can we celebrate with a large formal wedding?
This is one area that has seen significant change in the past few years. Today we see many couples celebrating with a large wedding with friends and family in ways that include: registering for gifts, planning a rehearsal dinner, selecting attendants, including children from a previous marriage, and holding a wedding reception. Celebrate your new beginning!

What if I forget someone’s name when making introductions?
Be honest and apologize for forgetting, ask their name and then move on to other conversation. Keep things in perspective and everyone will understand.

How long after the wedding do we have to mail our thank-you notes?
Thank-you notes are very important and sending them promptly is critical. They should always be hand written on notepaper (that’s right, NO e-mails). In today’s fast paced environment, the time frame has been shortened to 4-6 weeks after the wedding as compared to the 3 months maximum tradition of your mother’s day.

Is it proper to ask the pastor what is his fee for performing our wedding service?
Yes, but don’t be surprised if his response is to suggest a donation or that (s) he is not comfortable suggesting an amount. If you do not get a direct response, check with other recently-married friends for suggestions. Many experts say that if you received premarital counseling or had several meetings prior to the ceremony, you would provide the officiate with a more generous gift.